Direction

So recently I looked over my morals, the things I tell people I believe. And I realized that they aren't completely true. I was overcome with the need to be innocent. To be good enough for the people I think are better then me. And I realized that I am just me. I spend alot of time trying to be someone else. To say words that are forced. I am a good person overall, and my favorite thing to do is to give love to people. But I am not perfect, and thats okay. We've all felt this way.

Anyway, the point of todays blog is to say that although we are forever working on coming back to ourselves, the person we come back to will change to. And thats okay. Beliefs are affected by the people we admire.The people we care about, and what they believe.

For me, religion is an ever changing belief. I believe in God very much. But I do not attend church, nor have I read the bible. But I have a notebook, where I write prayers to God. And I love many bible verses. I love that there is someone, or something else out there in the world to help me. So I don't have to pick myself up all by myself. So I'm not alone.

And I must admit that the people I am currently close to have helped me form this belief. A boy I am just recently getting to know again has done alot for me, even though he doesn't know it. He talks about his religion so beautifully. He tells me his favorite verses. And most importantly he is still him. He is a gentleman, but he has fun, and does crazy things. He believes, but he doesn't push it on anyone. And he helps me to believe to. Also, my boyfriend, he isn't super religious, but I think he believes to. I know his family does. And his morals, his innocence, and his nobleness in ways that many boys aren't, make me a better person. They make me believe that people are good. This post is a shout out to those two boys. They are helping me be better, be someone I am happy with. And I love them. They don't know the affect they have on me. But it's there all the same.

So basically today, I am saying that it's okay for beliefs to change. If other people change your direction, it doesn't mean that it's not yours. It's okay to change, as long as you like the person you become. We're still coming back to ourselves, because we are constantly discovering what that means, and who that is.

Why Do You Believe What You Believe?

I had an interesting conversation with one of my close friends today. She asked me to spell out my morals, and how they had come to be. I think this is a very interesting question, and one that we should all think about. Especially the part about how they came to be our beliefs.

Personally, mine are probably heavily based on what my mother has taught me about life. Of course, much of it has been twisted around to fit my lifestyle, and what i want to believe. My family is a very tolerant one. I have always had confidence that my choices wouldn't drastically change how they felt about me. Then again, I havent done anything to crazy yet.

What I was taught about sex, is one reason I believe so much in a tolerant lifestyle, and I think it has been very good for me. I discovered what exactly sex was at age 6, when I asked. Unlike many awkward parents, my mother simply told me. But she did put it in a way that didn't freak me out, and didn't make it seem bad. See I think alot of parents install the idea that sex is a bad thing, in order to discourage their kids from doing it. I don't think this is healthy, because it makes your child feel guilty for the cravings we are programmed to want. I am not saying you should let these feelings take control, but you shouldn't have to feel guilt either. My mother always told me sex was a beautiful, love enforcing thing, but not in a way that made me want to do it. She made it clear that it was for people who are really in love. I am not sure how else to describe it. I don't really remember her ever telling me that you have to wait until marriage, but she did tell me it was better to wait until you were out of highschool, because she knew alot of people who had regretted it, and personally she was glad she waited. However she was always very aware of the fact that I might not take that path. She was open with methods of birth-control, and I knew that if I ever did want to I could ask for her help. Because of her guidence, I have a very healthy outlook on sex, and a very open outloook on other peoples choices.

I think that because my parents are very liberal, it has caused me to be very open-minded. But I also think I would be that way regardless of their teachings. We think for ourselves. So while other people influence our values and decisions, we ultimately have the power. So think about it, why do you believe what you believe?

The Difference Between Needing Someone, and Being Needy

The line between needing someone, and being needy is often one clouded by fear. We don't want to be needy, yet as social creatures, we do need each other. Admiting that we need someone is difficult because we are giving them a part of us that they could break. Showing that need is associated with being needy in most peoples perspective, and neediness is rejected by society.

We are supposed to be strong and independant, and I believe most people would admit it is easier to not need anyone, because then no one can hurt or disapppoint us. But it hurts to be alone. We are left trying to figure out conflicting thoughts.

Neediness is looked down upon for the most part. We all have at least one friend who is very needy, and every individual is needy during some point in our lives. Lets face it, it can be very annoying. Personally I do not like people when I think they are being needy. I want to feel needed, but if its to much, I get irritated. I would say neediness is when it is not needing you as a person, but needing to be the sole object of your attention. Like when a friend paws at you because you are talking to someone else, and she is not getting your full attention.

It is okay to need people. Its true, we get hurt from it sometimes. But it's better than feeling alone. It can be hard to trust someone, to give them that piece of ourselves that they could easily break. But I have a question for you. Do you want to feel needed and important to others? Yes. Remember that when you are unsure of letting someone know that you need them.

I am not saying we should be clingy, needy creature. In the end that will bring you more pain that anyone else. Independance is important. The challenge is to find a balance between needing others, and taking care of yourself. What helps you guys do this?

Inner Voice VS Little Voice

These two concepts can easily be confused. They are both voices in our heads that often control the way we act, or things we say. However, there is a huge difference.

The inner voice is similar to a conscience. It is what we listen to in order to find ourselves. It helps us prioritize. Without this voice we would be unable to have strong relationships with others. Listening to your inner voice can be very difficult, because as we know the right thing and the easiest thing can be very different.

The little voice is the mean one. The thing that says we are not good enough. That stops us from saying how we feel. The little voice installs fear in us, it makes us fear rejection, which stops us from having close relationships. It brings pain and leaves us forever unsatisfied. Not only does this voice attack us, it hurts others. When we are upset with ourselves, often we attack others, to try to escape it. It is easier to blame someone else for a problem than to accept disappointment in yourself.

Learning to figure out which voice is which isn't always easy. The voice that tells you not to ditch class, is that inner or little voice? It depends on who we are talking about. But it is important to recognize these differennt voices. To take actions to silence the little voice who says that we can't do it. As well as to learn to hear the inner voice. The inner voice is a key part to finding and following our personal set of rules, as mentioned in my previous post.

So listen carefully. Because the little voice? It's all in our heads. But the inner voice, that comes from our hearts.

Are Rules Really Important?

I am fully willing to admit I break rules. I break other peoples rules, I break my rules. But I have developed my own set of rules. I follow them as best as I can. Whether I do something or don't do something really has nothing to do with whether it is legal, or approved by other people. Its because do or don't wat to. For example the fact that I don't drink has absolutly nothing to do with the fact that its not legal. It's because I don't want to be an addict, like so many in my family.

I guess what I am trying to say is that there are rules everywhere, and while they are set up with good intentions, they often dampen creativity and passion. When we start to feel like the world is always saying no, it can seem easier to stop asking. I'm begging you to never stop asking. Ask for what you want, ask youself. Make it happen even if other people say no. Life is a journey to build our own morals, ones that truely make us happy. These guildelines will indefinitely change as time goes by, and as we learn and experiance more.

It is difficult to find the ones that will truely make you happy. And usually even more difficult to follow them. Often it is more difficult than it would be to just follow someone elses expectations. We really must think carefully about this. True morals are not necessarily what will make you happy at a given point in time. It is doing things you don't regret. Taking risks and letting go. Being careful, but not letting it control our entire lives. Some of mine include:

• Excersize
• Eat Healthy
• Step out of my comfort zone a little each day
• Wake up Early
• Write
• Be kind to myself
• Experiance nature
• Music
• Smile and laugh, alot

Now I am not saying I follow all of these personal rules all the time. Some of them are even more like goals. But they are equally important. To find your values and take action I would suggest you:

1. Think back to your best memories. What were you doing? Do it more. Be with people, you love, paint, preform, whatever it is that makes you happy.
2. Make time for the things you love.
3. Don't be afraid of breaking someones elses rules in order to do something important to you. Everyone will have their own values, and while you need to respect theirs, you do not need to follow them.
4. Spend some time quietly to think about it. Don't be hard on youself if they change or you can't do them all. Take your time.
5. Breathe and relax. Now is better than never, some is better than none. Progress not perfect.
6. Believe in yourself.



I am asking you to join me on this journey to find ourselves. To come back from the world of pain, stress and anxiety. Back to ourselves.